People

Has Online Dating Made Commitment Harder?

One of the new rituals of commitment is deleting dating apps and online dating profiles. “I’ve deleted Tinder” is the new “I’m only going to be with you.” Consumerism has entered relationships.

With about 52 million single adults in America, 49 million of them have participated in online dating. Meeting people has never been easier! But even with millions of people all looking for love in the same way, commitment is becoming scarcer and harder to achieve.

With online dating comes the paradox of choice. To have choice is wonderful. To have too many choices can be psychologically crippling.

By definition, choice and commitment implies loss. You choose something, you lose something. In our culture the paradox of choice is such that people have become loath to lose anything.

But people are not products. What you choose is not the best, it’s simply what you choose. And therefore it is what you want. It’s not the best. It just is. Choosing requires you to have agency. You can’t just leave everything to the other to enlighten you and turn you on.

There is this idea that the other person has to be so phenomenal that you don’t want to look anywhere else. This fantasy that there is someone out there who is so extraordinary that he/she is going to make you stop looking. That he/she is going to curb your temptations. No. You are going to curb your temptations.

Yes, there could be something more and better out there. But looking and waiting for that makes you crippled. You are living with a chronic disappointment. A chronic displeasure. If you’re constantly wondering if this is the best relationship, then you must ask yourself: What have I done to make it the best relationship lately? Because it’s your responsibility too.


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